As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
