grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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