Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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