Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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