I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
whose parrot is this?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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