Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
