Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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