I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
