Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Come share oat with me in your robe
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He shit in the fireplace
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
