Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
