I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
