So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
