You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize