Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
