A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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