haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
