I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
