she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
