Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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