I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
