I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
