Can i not drive my cunt home
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
