Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
