Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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