whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
