I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
