I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
