What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Randomize
