Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
