Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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