We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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