So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
