Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
