I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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