I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
