Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
