i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this beer tastes like vomit already
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize