If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
