Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
