My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
