I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
