I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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