fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
