Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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