we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
