Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
