and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
