Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
