Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
