I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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