On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
