Your tits are I can't wait for
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
