since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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