He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
