good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
