i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
