So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
