So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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