Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
