So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
