i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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