You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
