hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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