I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
