btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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