You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
